And because we have kids and fighting for custody, .I have to swallow my hatred, anger and resentment. There is no intimacy from him towards me, he does not touch me, but wants me to touch him only. But he was wrong. I was there through my husband’s many surgeries and his death through ALS. What a surprise. @casilu63 – If you can’t imagine living your life the way it is now for the rest of your life, it’s time to make some changes. He has been verbally abusive, non-supportive and even mentioned divorce a few years ago, but quickly recanted when he realized how much he would lose when I wasn’t there to literally handle everything from keeping the house up to paying the bills, while he plays golf, computer games or goes fishing. Most people feel guilty about these feelings. When I get home he regales me with everything about his day and follows me everywhere. There was a couple that wanted to adopt my little boy, but they had only been married as long as my husband and I. The policy was only $9.30 a month and since the kids were still covered, I never bothered to change anything on it. It’s just not right. When you see someone hurt, he’d always be one of the first to leap up and help that person out. Hi Mary, My ex is a major trouble maker. I’m not from U.S. unfortunately, from southeast Asia. A mental hospital…. Awesome Carol asks: “So my question is, if I spend time thinking of bad things that could happen to an ex…how would this affect my life? If you then remarry, your original Will is revoked in its entirety, unless you have expressly stated in the Will that you do not want this to happen. I agree with JJ – reach out to the people you trust and ask them to help you. You can also check with your local women’s shelter to see if they can assist you with formulating a plan. she wouldnt give a damn and she wouldnt have to make up excuses why she doesnt want to see him). I caught a last glimpse of him as he turned around in the elevator before the doors finished closing. What I’m saying is that I genuinely wish he was dead, via some freak accident. I was married 23 years. How I wish and have been praying that he should just Collapse and Die! He is a really nice person, but I can’t live here anymore. Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach and advisor helping people who are considering divorce make a smart decision about staying or leaving their marriage. What is your greatest fear? Yes, if i compare my situation to that of my ex mother in law wo is a widow, i am jealous. I can’t work. i really wish my husband die . He was only 8 months old at the time. I’ve been married for 22 years and most of those years have been happy. If your ex … He always avoid argument with me or every discussion that got him guilty, while he keep apologizing, he used my parents to control me. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on attorney and court fees fighting for child support. Tried filing our divorce few years ago, but relented due to my young daughter. Life can be very difficult and sometimes we have to think clearly before we speak. Not so unusual I think. At this point Dark Voodoo Entities - demons - will move into your Ex’s life. It’s just that every day is like living in a nightmare that never ends and it’s stopped me off everything I ever used to be. Have young children and can’t go home. Too bad about the kids. When my relationships don't work out I look at myself and not them. Its difficult. as a warning Ladies, I wished my childrens father would die a thousand times. I have in the past, but no. But he’s only hit me once a long time ago. My happiness evaporated and so did my sense freedom for another couple of years, during which I still occasionally wished he had died. I miss him so much. He sabotaged my life, my future, my family to the point that I’m mentally traumatized. You can’t be held hostage to your parents wishes and this doesn’t sound like a situation that is going to get better. These people are real. My soon-to-be-ex husband sat closer to the front and slightly to my left. I loved my son. I left him 6 years ago. Do you have a friend who would go with you? If your husband and you are not willing to work on your relationship then you need to find a way to end your marriage and separate. My ex has a new, young girlfriend who I feel is slowly trying to take my place as a mother in my kids’ lives (and my ex encourages it). Can you all help in offering me advice please? My life was destroyed by his perversion – he stole a decade of my life, treated me poorly during it and to top it off turned out to be a paedo! He changed address opened his own account changed doctor and much all behind my back. If I do really need to get a hold of him I have to practically yell at him so he can listen but it has to be in a good low tone because other wise he will smack me he’s verbally abusive and sometimes physical he has hit me and our 2 kids. ha ha ha ha ha ha, The FBI actually came over to ask me about what I said. I do everything. Did he ever make good on the child support? 0%. It sounds like he hurt you very deeply. Just me alone – I don’t your circumstances so it’s hard for me to comment on your husband not being there for you in the past. She said NO. It would mean an end to the endless discussions we seemed to have each evening going over the same issues again and again. It wasn’t until a few hours later that I looked at my phone and saw that in the middle of the previous night he wrote an email to me. "the idiot who doesn't deserve me anyway," as i like to refer to my ex, dumped me 6 days ago and seriously, i wanted to die. I also want point out that in our interview Pippi did say her ex is a wonderful father and that she didn't feel she was emotionally abused, rather it was a bad dynamic. I think if you have morale’s and a strong conscience you will feel bad wishing someones passing. ... P.P.S: You will not die if you observe any of the following points. Good luck! I found this article after searching “I wish my ex was dead,”. How long have you felt this way? Unfortunately he still loves me with a dog-like devotion and depends on me to organise his life for him. I am contemplating going back home, but without divorcing him — just living where I can be happy and surrounded by my … I’m so sorry this happened to you and completely understand why you feel the way you do. It offers assistance 24/7. This part of your brain doesn’t physiologically fully develop until your mid-twenties or so. I’m glad you’re working with a therapist. We’ve got no chemistry. 6 Replies. While I’m still trying to heal, he has moved right on with his life with no regard to the family he distroyed. I hope you have the support of friends and loved ones. Chrissy – this is no way to live your life. I am scared to leave cause i am a stay at home mom with no income and he is vindictive enough to hire a team of lawyers to take my kids and my kids are my life i would never want to lose them so unfortunately it looks like i have to stay with my fantasy cause in reality i am stuck here hope everyone else out there can get out. After all, guilt was a simple way for him to get what he wanted when we were married, so I can only guess he thought it would still work. I want to die. I have already supported the lazy a** for over 10 years. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255. I would encourage you do a complete analysis or work with someone who can. My ex and I have been on again off again for about 4 years. So, if you want to get your ex back, you have to show her by the way you interact with her from now on, that you are no longer the insecure, needy guy she remembers from the past. He was just awful at regular activities like working, coming home, and couldn’t cook. Thank you for sharing your story Sue, and your encouragement. Hi Gracie – I think you’re right – thoughts like this are not so unusual but people don’t talk about it. Given this was your first serious relationship, you had no other means by which to compare. I want to terminate my parental rights but I can’t, I’m stuck paying support for children I no longer want. Want my husband to drop dead! I took care of him through his illness and death of ALS Lou Gerigs disease. I could not even think about it. He didn't take  my "No" in stride. I told him I wished he was dead for all the hell he has put me and he kids through. He was an abusive drunk who drank up our savings, and later, he skipped out on support. He is still lying to them this day. If you can’t do that on your own then do go to a counselor. These are all the ways to handle the struggle of hating your ex with grace and maturity. So when you hear a regular person like Pippi, say she wished her husband would die, it can be shocking. Please, I want my husband to die. You can live without him! He will be 2 in February. Reply. She is still married to him til this day. When you’re ex … I’ve been married for 30 years to Narcissist. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and I had no means to leave the marriage. While I understand his behavior may be a result of his pain it doesn’t mean that you or your children have to accept the behavior. I’m sure they don’t see you as “mucking up the works.” Are you in therapy or counselling? Everyone kept telling me, “the environment is not safe for your child, the verbal abuse, the emotional abuse, it’s affecting your child. I wish him dead because I can no longer keep him totally out of my life. I went from an ex that physically, verbally, mentally and emotional abused me to one that is financially, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abuses me. Been there. I watched my step-dad beat on my mother, my siblings, and myself for years. I understand how extremely difficult it is to leave an abusive situation when you don’t have financial resources. I am guilty of this and felt very bad. Pusscatty – Something has to change! I am the one who failed and i feel rejected. But they would get over it. This has happened to me, and my solicitor, and the courts have already agreed to my will. Of course! the only way my rights will be terminated is if I kill him. The family helps her, the friends phone. Our own thoughts in PTSD freak us out. I miss my ex but I think the universe is trying to tell me that I have to stop waiting for guys and start living my life. Guest Posted on 31-10-2015 at 7.10AM . I know I can’t control his behavior only my response. We haven’t spoke for 3 years and we have 3 kids. My attorney was fine with the agreement we had reached. At times in my life he was the monster but at other times he was my king. Over stupid things like if the kids are making too much noise and he can’t hear the other people on his loved xbox he will give them a whooping of a life time and when I defend them I get slapped or pushed. My husband and I live in government housing and pay no rent. I had a friend tell me one time, “If I have to support him for the rest of my life, I may as well divorce him and be happy.”. I noticed this in her history. He stated in front of everyone on Thanksgiving, that he hates being a dad, hates being married. I don’t even care about my life outside of her anyway. I want him to die and all I see is blood if I tried remember his face. A lot of psychopathic women posting here. This is a happiness equation. I was so mad and angry that 9 years of my life was wasted on a such a shitty man. Can you share more about your situation? I hate her and I hope she dies a slow horrible death. He was saying things to me that he had never said before like “I want a futlure with you.” And “I want … I hope you have a good counselor. As I said, when people think this, I don’t think most people truly want it to happen. I wish and pray that he meets his death multiple times a day and feel no guilt or shame. I am no longer bitter. He plays video games all night from 6pm-6am. The laws in the state where we divorced were such that only he needed to appear in court before the judge to finalize our divorce. What is keeping you in this marriage? The court gave him full custody of our children. I’m permanently disabled and suffer from PTSD. I knew I would eventually be better off on my own than to remain in a marriage that I only knew how to make work by sacrificing who I really was in favor of who he had grown accustomed to me being. you won’t live in the lap of luxury but it’s a start. I am a teacher so money is not the main issue, but I feared to be the first one in my family to get divorced, I knew nobody would back me up. What you’re saying is that you need to end your marriage and cut all ties with your husband. I talk to so many people who took a long time to end their marriage and then with hindsight, say, although it was hard, they wished they’d done it sooner. It was easy to do when he lived in another state. Open up to them about the reality of your situation and you will find your path forward. I deal with his toxicity by keeping him … Well, I think you should never wish any ones death how bad they may be. There’s no way I’m going to be able to divorce him. I am trying to get thru this but so very hard because I feel he should have been upfront and honest. And then come back to your decision …, i wish my husband death . In the months before my husband and I separated, there were many times I thought it would just be so much easier if he died in a car accident. Tag Archives: is soemthing wrong with me if i want my ex to die Die, Sociopath, Die: PTSD Hits Some Scary Places. I hope every day when the lazy ass gets outta bed that before I find him in my lazy boy dead. If you do start feeling that way, would you promise me that you will call someone? I feel obligated to let you know who my brother was though you won’t truly know looking at some characters on a screen. Photo Credit: // / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0, Your email address will not be published. There are programs out there that will pay or help pay your rent, get transportation, furnish a home etc. At some point, the scales may tip. I was with a passive aggressive man for 27 years, he walked out of the marital home on 30th October 2013, and it was the best thing he could have done for me. It is definitely not normal to wish death or unhappiness on anyone more especially an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. This jerk got a job at the NSA in Washington DC, and of course, he had to lie on his security clearance. Have you discussed boundaries? This excuse of the husband is very good actor, outsiders would never believe what a true piece of work he is in reality. Everything…but nothing. The only way out is if he were to die. I told them I want to die before and they all playing victim and told me that I’m selfish for hurting them. I create my own fantasy world where he’s not in it either we got into a huge physical incounter that pushed me to leave or he cheated on me or in some cases he dies never horribly or anything but i do go further and can get in touch with the emotions of everyone invilved and then it makes me sad because i don’t want him dead i just want out. How can we think we’d want someone dead? His attorney's suggestion was that he should have half of mine and retain all of his. I also think it may be beneficial for you to be working with a therapist or a counselor. I have been wishing death on my ex for 20+ years. How are you expected to coparent children with a vindictive and twisted beast? I married my husband two weeks after meeting him. with my ex- I had 2 months dating+7 mths relationship (4.5mths lived together) he was depressed with my son&me quarrels every week. I can taste the sweetness of stepping on the plane for the last time never to return. Very. AM(almost)A!Share your own thoughts about this post in the comments section below! I know you say you’re scared of taking care of yourself or being a single mother but honestly from how you describe your present situation, how would it be so different? How have they negotiated their marriages? Though in time i come to realize its better to let the person live her life and respect each other. I was sure that God was going to strike me dead because I was getting divorced and because I had told my husband "No." I wish him dead every day and of I was granted that I don’t think life would necessarily be better, but I could finally start living my life again. I am not sure what to do anymore. been there got that t-shirt. Thank you for writing. PTSD after a sociopath is a full and whole body and mind experience. My hope is that by discussing this, people will choose to either work to make their marriage healthier or to end the relationship as respectfully as possible. See if you can find one locally to you or checkout the books on Amazon. Because of his pain he lashes out almost daily and it gotten to the point that my children tell me in tears that when they’re out of school they’re leaving and never coming back. Hi thanks four helping me i divorced in 2011 feb my mum died in may 2011 my ex husband now wants to claim of my inheritance we have no dependent children and no house is he in his right to do this thanks vanessd. Yes, I wish my marriage was over, of course I do, but the mechanism of how that’s achieved is not that I want to suffer the pain and protracted nature of divorce, but rather to have this nightmare ended as abruptly as it started. Hi Vanessa – many thanks for your comment – for advice please call the Jones Myers team on 0113 246 5555 . You could also consider living separately … would that be an option? Husbands, wives, another’s son’s, daughter’s, sisters, and for me, my brother. Have courage … *hugs*. Testing my feelings, I find that I do not love him the way I once did, to much has happened while I was trying to be the good Christian wife. My husband is a cruel, dark hearted person. More often than not, a divorcing spouse will lean toward one of the two opposing fantasies. There were many times before our divorce that I fantasized about him dying – I know that was because it seemed like it would be easier than having the hard conversation. and maybe yours too. I thought it was my responsibility to make our marriage work. I well understand the pain of having a husband who despises your children and of one who can’t be moved to do anything but sit on their ass all day long disturbing as much as possible. Is living separately within the same house possible? For the sake of argument, say over the next few weeks or months, he slowly decides that he can’t live without you. A scheming, a**hole, douche bag ex? I myself am at home twenty four seven. Nothing nicer than coming home to your own home and being able to do what you want when you want, and the only one you must answer to it yourself ( and your child) I can’t stress enough this is hard but can be done. One thing is certain. Now I’m through all that, I no longer have those thoughts. You can claim up to 50% of your ex-spouse's primary insurance amount. That’s why deciding whether your ex might want you back is a little like reading a foreign language with no translation. After just a few minutes the judge requested that we stand as he asked each of us a couple of questions before agreeing to sign our divorce decree. Thanks for visiting! I repeated myself and said "No." His death wasn’t expected. The idea of being stuck in a marriage for financial reasons (being unable to support oneself) is a terrible fallout of the choice to be a SAHP. Divorce sucks. I felt wonderful that we were finally able to move forward again with our divorce. Have you done any divorce recovery work? Sometimes it makes a difference to start thinking about “when” rather than “can’t.” Even if that’s in five years time when say your children are in high school or in college, setting that as a target creates a empowering vision. Drawing some physical boundaries so you have a place to retreat may help you. Our own thoughts in PTSD freak us out. He did nothing do earn it. Cheated on me a million times, 2 outside kids, you name it, he done it. If you've agreed one of you plans to stay, it’s usually best to explain this to your landlord and ask them to update the tenancy agreement. Petra says: 10 August, 2015 at 17:09 You have to move on first (emotionally), that’s the reason why you can’t get excited or attracted truly to a new partner. It’s more that ending the marriage and getting divorced is perceived as being so difficult, that losing their spouse through death would mean they wouldn’t have to go through divorce. He seemed shocked that I didn't immediately agree. He needs to be stopped! Careful what you wish for my divorced my ex husband died four months ago and now my four teenage daughters hate me. But everything would be less costly and easier if he were no longer in the picture. I would also encourage you to work on forgiveness – as long as you’re wishing he was dead, he has power and control over you and seriously, you would be in a much place if this energy was directed at your happiness. I can’t even stand the thoughts of him talking to me, touching me etc. Anyway, today someone told me that they cheated on me with a 32 year old man. I left him several times, but had nowhere to turn, to live. Do you have friends or family members you can stay with temporarily? Wishing your spouse was dead sounds awful but I don't think it's that uncommon and as I tried to say, I think it's more of a fantasy, a dream than a genuine desire. Good – I’m relieved that you are not feeling suicidal. We separated for about a year I hoped that we could work things out, she had few affairs during that time, but I didn’t give up on us & our family. I don’t watch anything violent because it’s a trigger. The thought of that crushes me. He goes to bed every morning by the time I am getting up. He refuses to get a job though he makes 6 figures when he actually works. So if he dies life will be much better. Think about your needs and wants rather than your ex. Having been married to a -skunk- husband for 20 years now-I already suffered too much! If you willed your entire estate to your spouse, and failed to change the will, your … Have you done the analysis of your finances to see what divorce would mean and then looked at what that meant in terms of where to live? I really, really wish my husband would die. Sometimes, when I’m having to talk to him on the phone the whole time I think… I wish he would die now and I could hear it, just to make sure its true and I would smile and all the weights he’s been piling on me for years will just lift and I wouldn’t have to see a therapist anymore for ptsd and persistent depression, because he never goes away! We chose each other for a reason at the time and we have two wonderful children. Apparently because she shares the same computer with her husband and she forgot to close this page and left the page up and he found it and came to some wrong conclusions. Kathryn J, Hi Kathryn – you are absolutely right. I do not care if he knows or not. Contact your friends and family and get out. Lea09moi. I wouldn’t intentionally do that to my kids, I’m not suicidal, I just think it would be easier for everyone sometimes. I knew I wasnt the only one who wished their ex was dead. It might be shocking but I’m guessing it’s not uncommon. Have courage. He’s quite a nice guy but we’re hoplessly unsuited and as time goes on he annoys me more and more. He wasn’t perfect, but his wife is devastated and regrets that she came across this site in the first place. He is no more than a sperm donor. Recognize when you're thinking about your ex and consciously stop yourself. In any case, love isn’t the only factor here. However, I’m also sure you must not want to hate them so much because feeling hatred puts you in a terrible mood. I would encourage you not to think of yourself as having failed – you and your husband got married for good reasons and for whatever reasons, your relationship ran its course. I was wondering if there was more a therapist could do giving you all behavioral strategies for dealing with his pain rather than medication? Ive no escape. I raised my kids alone from day one. What would happen if you went there anyway? You haven’t had enough or you’d already be taking the steps to get out. He said he loves me so much so I tried to compromise even though I don’t love him at all. Mind you, he did the same thing to his ex-wife, his ex-girlfriend before me and I’m just finding this out. I feel guilty. I'm with the girl of my dreams, she with me. I am going through a nasty divorce. The thing is, my husband doesn’t even take care of my little boy, at any given moment. If you willed your entire estate to your spouse, and failed to change the will, your spouse gets everything. In 2001 I took out a family life insurance policy which covered me, him and my children should someone unexpectedly die. I wouldn’t change that. This time last year, Social Services intervened and took my child away. I do everything. So of course, after he begged and promised he’d change, I came back. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish he was dead. I’ve got no other way to escape. My ex-partner of 10 years has left my property, my decision as he is an addictive gambler, but he is now trying to claim back all the 'housekeeping'. What really burns me up is he abandoned our kids 15 years ago and never did one damn thing to help raise them. At first I tried to communicate and compromising his situation (unemployed). Any ones death how bad they may be worthless of course, he done it but I ’! 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